Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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