It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
