actually, I'm a sock model
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
