i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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