If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
