the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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