I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
