Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the day after is always just damage control
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
