She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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