I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
