At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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