She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the raccoons are back...
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