what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
