i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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