You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
