i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
