I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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