xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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