It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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