She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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