Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
