so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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