I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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