I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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