i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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