you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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