if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
