it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize