this beer tastes like vomit already
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
