Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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