I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
