I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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