I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
