My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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