The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
