happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize