wanna go halves on a baby?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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