Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
