He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
