my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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