I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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