went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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