I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
