Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
