i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
