Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
