It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
