forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
