I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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