Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

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(978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903

Replies (111) Good night (29724) Bad night (1254)
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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6

Replies (104) Good night (23828) Bad night (956)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

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(402): The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE! http://tfl.nu/1ymk

Replies (63) Good night (1145) Bad night (7910)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.

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(724): the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience. http://tfl.nu/dazo

Replies (12) Good night (770) Bad night (4231)
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(248): View more from Michigan

i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

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(248): i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots. http://tfl.nu/9g8z

Replies (13) Good night (6340) Bad night (923)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

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(908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision http://tfl.nu/741x

Replies (12) Good night (6807) Bad night (1116)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

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(803): If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat http://tfl.nu/80p4

Replies (19) Good night (6858) Bad night (1149)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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(+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e

Replies (6) Good night (1192) Bad night (2936)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.

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(570): since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there. http://tfl.nu/6g57

Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (794)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words

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(802): Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words http://tfl.nu/ilbf

Replies (0) Good night (962) Bad night (819)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed

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(717): if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen? (484): i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed http://tfl.nu/7o4k

Replies (7) Good night (1085) Bad night (416)
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(478): View more from Georgia

I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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(478): I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions." http://tfl.nu/mmu9

Replies (4) Good night (711) Bad night (340)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.

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(586): Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at. http://tfl.nu/sdak

Replies (2) Good night (316) Bad night (707)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.

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(480): Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor. http://tfl.nu/8do3

Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (321)
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(407): View more from Florida

Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?

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(407): Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now? http://tfl.nu/dq80

Replies (4) Good night (593) Bad night (173)

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