I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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