dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk