Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
