Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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