you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
