Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
