Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
