Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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