I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
