and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't deserve a penis
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize