return my video game
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
