Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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