I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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