Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
